Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!

[caycepollard]

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith



This isn't for everyone. It is probably for people who:

a)liked the original, but wished it were terrible had more zombies.

b)disliked the original, and wished it had more zombies.

c)like zombies.

I am from Camp B. I will confess from the start, and anyone who knows me knows this, that I have never been able to get through the original Pride & Prejudice without throwing it violently aside. I've tried to get around this by starting at various points in the book, so truth be told, I probably have read all of it, just not from beginning to end. If there's one thing that ticks me off very quickly, it's People Assuming The Worst About Each Other. In a story where nothing else happens, that off-ticking is exacerbated to an unholy degree. If the result of the Worst-Assuming is that they later Realize Their Misapprehensions and Fall Madly In Love, I am even more bored. I personally do not find that romantic. But my issues with traditional notions of romance are for another time and place. My only aim in mentioning it is that it's fair for the reader to know I have wanted zombies to invade Regency England for years.

This version of Pride & Prejudice significantly improves on the original by the following:

a)making Elizabeth and her sisters a bunch of Shaolin-trained warriors pitted against the zombie infestation which has plagued England for decades. Elizabeth is still spirited and clever, but additionally, dreams of hacking her social enemies to pieces to pay for their crimes. I find this endearing.

b)the genuinely moving decline of Charlotte Lucas into the grip of the plague. One could STILL write a women's studies thesis on this version of Pride & Prejudice. Charlotte's condition is noted by no one around her except Elizabeth - a woman is dying in the presence of her husband and dear friends, and she goes utterly unregarded.

c)dishing out more appropriate vengeance for stupidity. Lydia still ends up married to Wickham, but Wickham has been lamed by Darcy and forced to enter an Irish seminary for, er, lame priests.

d)Elizabeth & Lady Catherine de Bourgh duke it out, ninja style, over whether or not Elizabeth will marry Darcy.

e)a number of jokes about private and public balls. (I enjoy this for the same reason I assume Seth Grahame-Smith does - it takes the refinement RIGHT OUT of the conversation and provides some hearty country-style LOLOLOLs.)

f)the awesome Book Club Discussion questions at the back, such as Does Mrs Bennet have a single redeeming quality?

My only complaints about the book are:

a)the occasional seamed quality of the text. Not often, but occasionally, as you can see in the excerpt below, one remark doesn't fully answer another in a dialogue, and you remember what you're reading.

b)women retire from zombie fighting when they marry. THAT IS JUST SO POINTLESS FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

Excerpt:

"Mr Collins tells me that you are schooled in the deadly arts, Miss Bennet."

"I am, though not to half the level of proficiency your Ladyship has attained."

"Oh! Then--sometime or other, I shall be happy to see you spar with one of my ninjas. Are your sisters likewise trained?"

"They are."

"I assume you were schooled in Japan."

"No, your ladyship. In China."

"China? Are those monks still selling their clumsy kung-fu to the English? I take it you mean Shaolin?"

"Yes, your ladyship, under Master Liu."

"Well, I suppose you had no opportunity. Had your father more means, he should have taken you to Kyoto."

"My mother would have had no objection, but my father hates Japan."

"Have your ninjas left you?"

"We never had any ninjas."

"No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety."

Elizabeth could hardly help smiling as she assured her that had not been the case.

"Then, who protected you when you saw your first combat? Without ninjas, you must have been quite a sorry spectacle indeed."

"Compared with some families, I believe we were; but such was our desire to prevail, and our affection for each other, we had no trouble vanquishing even our earliest opponents."